You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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