I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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