i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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