so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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