your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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