So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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