Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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