What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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