you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
