Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Shame - the story of my life.
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