He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
