it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am one with the molecules
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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