Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
