I have demons in me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize