Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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