do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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