I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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