Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
