throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
