i just google imaged poop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
