Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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