My friends, they love my intelligence
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
