I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
