Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
