she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
