Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
