At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
