ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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