i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
