I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
