Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
