We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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