I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
