dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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