I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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