you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your dad touched me again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
