I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
