Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
