i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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