my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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