I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
