do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
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Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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