You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
