Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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