She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Still dying that you shit outside
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
