I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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