I'm going to jail i love you
I just made out with a guy for $7.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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