On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
