a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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