you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
