She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
