Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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