So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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