I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
