I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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