You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
