it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
