If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
