I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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