didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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