Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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