im about as happy as oj after his trial
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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