So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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