uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
