so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
