Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
