I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
